Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
