While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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