This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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