oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
