I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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