When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
