Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
