I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
