planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
