i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
