so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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