I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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