Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
