Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
