You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
