Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
