is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
