How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
