I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
