We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he thought i was a dude.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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