Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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