If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
