I can text with my tongue
are you so shy because you have an std?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
