Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
