Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Only a mothe r could love this liver
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish i was in the wii world.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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