fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bring me that man meat
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
