dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
