saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
