would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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