But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
