I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
