Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
