i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
