were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
