chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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