Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
