On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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