found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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