my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
