I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
