I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
