well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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