wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
