The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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