i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
