I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
