Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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