I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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