tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
