what day is it and did you see me today?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
